Who Cares What Nansi Thinks?

Mom has now completed another cycle. I won't drag you through the disgusting details, because that's all they are, details. Dr. Phil often says we argue about topics and not issues. So the topics of Mom's cycles-the details-don't do much for resolving the issues.

The topic is her glasses breaking. The issue is, her mental illness. The result of the glasses breaking was a horrendous round of crying, yelling, lying, shrieking, cajoling and manipulating. (I hate it when I act like that. LOL) The administrator said, "Nans, I've never seen this side of your mother!"

Of course, she hadn't. I'd spent the last year and a half carefully heading off the tirades. Heck, I've spent my entire life doing that!

This round was worse than I've seen in a long time. The final straw for me was when the Social Worker called me with Mom's latest scam to get free glasses (nearly getting innocent people fired--again). Something inside of me snapped. I understand that my Mom's bi-polar and that she can't help a lot of things, but does that mean she has a license to cheat and ruin lives???

I went to the nursing home. When Mom saw me as I entered the room, she threw her hands in the air and shrieked, "Oh thank GAWD you're here!" I said, "Put a lid on it Mom, we're going to talk." I wheeled her out of the room and into a more secluded spot in the nursing home. I read her the riot act. I told her, "This stops NOW!"

She made several attempts to change the subject, but I bore down on her. I explained to her that NO eye doctor is going to make her new glasses off an old prescription. The replacement glasses that I brought her were going to have to do for a while. She MUST have an eye exam. And more than that, she MUST stop the histrionics. No matter how much she wails, I can't get her into a routine eye exam any sooner--especially since she's on Medicaid.

Again, these are details--topics. What's the ISSUE? The issue is my mother is bi-polar. I have become very adept at sensing when she's going into a manic/depressive cycle. For my mother, in the past, her manic phases outlasted her depressive phases. Since she's been in the nursing home, however, she cannot accommodate the mania. She can no longer sew, or shop, or eat mountains of food. She doesn't have the means to feed those cravings. So her mania manifests in outbursts, overreaction and just plain trouble-making. They're short lived, but devastating nonetheless.

I realized that my taking her to task is how my dad handled things. Her parents probably did the same. I remember dad "taking it" for just so long and then letting her have it. Many times he'd threaten to divorce her. She's snap out of it and behave, like she's doing now.

She's totally "clothed and in her right mind" at the moment. She's calm, articulate and sensible. Gone are the friable nerves, the instant crying jags and rages. Is she better? Has she come through the storm? Or is she holding it together out of fear that she'll lose something?

I don't know if anything has passed between she and her roommate, but I'd be sick to death of it if I were Jane.

So what is the upside to all of this? I gained a huge insight into my mom's cycles. I learned what her triggers are--some of them anyway. I learned that no matter what I do, she's going to get on the roller coaster. My choice is whether or not I join her. I also learned how to snap Mom out of her destructive behavior, but to what end? Is it like putting a band aid on an amputation? I don't know.

For now, I'm going to rest my spirit while she's stable.