Who Cares What Nansi Thinks?

Well, it's happened. The thing I've dreaded for almost a year now. My mother has lost her room mate. Jane is gravely ill. She's in the hospital now. They're hoping she's stable enough for surgery tomorrow. Whatever happens, Jane will not be returning to the nursing home. Her family is very upset and blames the nursing home for the condition their mother is in.

In the beginning, Mom went through a lot of room mates. Her first one was a trip. Mom felt like she had to take responsibility for Anna. Everyone understood Anna and her ways except for Mom. Anna would curl up with her call bell button and press it while she was asleep. The aides learned to peek in and see that Anna was really asleep and just keep going. Mom saw it as Anna being neglected. Anna talked in her sleep. Lord have mercy, that woman must have had an adventurous youth! I would be sitting with Mom and she'd say something extremely sexual. Did I just hear what I THINK I heard????? Mom would nod and say, "Yep. That's what I hear all the time." I ended up requesting that Mom be moved. Not just because of the constant sexual talk, but because Mom was a nervous wreck that Anna might fall.

Her next room mate was a sweet lady who had suffered a horrible stroke at the top of a stair case. She'd tumbled down the stairs and broken her arm, her leg and several ribs. It was difficult to ascertain what was an orthopedic injury and what was the result of the stroke. She eventually recovered and went back to live with her children.

For several months Mom's room was like a revolving door. Mom is affable and the facility knew that she'd befriend whomever they placed with her.

Finally Jane moved in. They were fast friends immediately. Jane is just a few years older than my oldest sister, but suffers from a pretty severe case of Parkinson's. In the first few months, they bonded and took care of each other. Jane went to some of Mike's family functions with us. Then around Christmas she began to decline. She'd spend days in bed. She was just not herself.
Finally, Friday night, Jane was rushed to the hospital. They wanted to do emergency surgery, but couldn't get her stable enough.

My poor mom is devastated. I took her to see Jane this afternoon. They declared their mutual love and friendship. It was heart wrenching. As mad as Jane's family is, I don't think they realize how hard it's going to be on Jane to be separated from Mom.

I know how hard it's going to be on Mom. Mom will be lost without Jane.

I don't know how to pray. I prayed that Mom would find the perfect roommate. It happened, but Mom wasn't happy. I want to say "She's in a nursing home, how can she be happy???" But many of the people in the nursing home ARE happy. They're content and glad to be surrounded by people who love and care for them.

I breaks my heart to hear Mom ask what she has to do to prove she can live on her own. Mom can't live on her own. The local authorities had begun the process to force her into a nursing home before Mom had her last stroke. She was calling 911 at least 3 times a week to get help up off the floor. She was confusing her medications and either overdosing or not taking them at all.

Mike and I swept up a gallon zip lock bag full of pills off her floor when we cleaned out her apartment. She'd drop them and think she'd taken them. Her finances were a disaster. Two days after she went into the hospital they tacked an eviction notice on her door. She hadn't sent a rent check in four months. No wonder she thought she had lots of money when she lived out in the community.

Today Mom begged me to let her go back to her apartment. I feel like her jailer. I have this knot in the pit of my stomach that won't go away.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers, OK? And please pray for Jane. She's such a great lady.