Who Cares What Nansi Thinks?

I got called to answer a survey today. The person who called me was the new RNAC (RN Assessment Coordinator) at the nursing home. She probably asked me thirty questions. I actually got the feeling that she was listening.

We talked about Mom's on-going issue with perching on the wheelchair all day. She agreed that many of Mom's issues with pain and circulation would be resolved if Mom spent less time in the wheelchair and more time in the recliner, putting her feet up.

She asked me the questions twice. First from my perspective and then from my mother's. She'd ask, do you feel that the facility is doing a good job in providing your mother with a variety of food? Then. Would your mother say that the facility is doing a good job in providing her with a variety of food. The answers were often polar opposites.

I did have a few complaints about the nursing home. They tend to make health decisions about Mom without consulting me. For instance, I got a phone call at work the other day saying that they were stopping Mom's physical therapy. What therapy? I didn't know anything about Therapy! They tend to change her meds without informing me and often schedule Dr.'s appointments without my knowlege.

I think my biggest gripe is her room. Every time I go in there, I've got a mountain to climb. The RNAC said, "So maybe this is something we can encourage your mother to work on." I nearly choked on my drink! AS IF!!! Good luck with that. My mother never in her life kept a handle on her clutter, to think she'd start doing it now is a portrait of insanity!

There were questions about my relationship with the nursing home administration. I'm locked in an odd, almost adversarial relationship with the administrator. Neither one of us has figured out how to move out of the boss/employee relationship. I do better with nursing administration.

The final question's answer would seem to be in direct opposition to the over all answers of the poll. "All in all, how would you say your mother's quality of life is here at the facility." Unlike my mother, I remember what her days were like when she was living alone. She was languishing. EMS was called to pick her up off the floor at least three times a week, and she had a virtual non-existent social life. Another frightening aspect of Mom's safety back then, was the fact that Pennsylvania had closed their mental hospitals and were housing young "able-bodied" mentally disturbed people in what had been senior housing. In the last days there, Mom was being hit up for cash and medication by much younger and stronger people. She was always a little afraid and often VERY afraid.

To sum it up, Mom is healthier, safer and happier at this time in her life than I've seen her in decades. She's got really good friends and adores dining with them in the evening. She has plenty of interesting choices of activities--and not just gluing macaroni to a paper plate and spraying it gold. Mom belongs to a current events discussion group. She can take painting classes, if she wants to. (She usually complains about "the medium" of paint supplies--whatever Mom.) The four foot stacks in every inch of her room indicate that she's got plenty to read. There is always some sort of visiting entertainment from musicians to ministers to pet therapy. They have trips to Red Lobster (don't get me started) Perkins (for breakfast) and Lord help me- Walmart.

Believe it or not, Mom's happier than I've seen her. She wouldn't tell you that. Those of us who know her could look back at any period of her life and tell you she's got it good... while Mom would report how bad it really was. So, I guess, the more things change-the more they stay the same.

Is it Sunday again already???

I found Mom in good spirits today. An old friend of mine was in the hallway as I approached Mom's room. Her dad's back in the nursing home after a bout of pneumonia. Linda stopped in to see Mom and went on a rant about all the trouble they've had with her dad's care.

That opened the door for MOM to complain. And complain. And complain. Her main grievance today was that she couldn't get anyone to clear off her recliner. (hint hint) So I tackled it. There were two pillows on her bed and three pillows in the seat of the recliner. I said, "MOM! How many pillows do you need????" She said, "Five" She sleeps in a twin hospital bed and needs FIVE PILLOWS. Lordie Lordie.

Also in the recliner was a two foot tall stack of magazines. I asked Mom who was bringing her all the magazines. She's lifting them from where ever she finds them. I found FOUR Reader's Digests for THE SAME MONTH!! Mom's like me, I'm more of a book owner than a book reader. And I wouldn't be surprised if I found multiple copies of the same book. So who am I to judge???

The other thing in the recliner (Can you IMAGINE how high this stuff was stacked!!) was a huge plastic bag of clothing. Stapled to the bag was a note that read "Please mark these clothes and return to room 602-2". There was a signature on the note that indicated the clothing was marked. So I said, "Mom, why don't I hang up these clothes for you?"

There were twelve pairs of men's underwear in the bag. (all with her name marked in them) I said, "oh, I think these aren't yours... they're men's briefs!" They're hers. She bought them at the rummage sale they had last weekend. Men's underwear.

It's all about ownership and my mother's absolute inability to pass up a bargain. I grabbed up the drawers and went to find a place to throw them out. There were several aides and nurses at the nurses station who got a big kick out of me. "Oh you found your mother's shopping spree!" Nice.

All in all, Mom's in good spirits. Life is normal. The piles of weirdness abound in her room. Life is good.

I guess the only way to get over writer's block is to write... so here goes....

I went to see Mom on TUESDAY this week. It had been 10 days since I'd seen her. I haven't gone that long without seeing my mother in about 5 years. It felt good and bad. It was good to have a break from the constant..... but the guilt felt bad.

A couple of weeks ago I slipped at work and did a number on my knee. It was all I could do to get through a day. The thought of hobbling through the nursing home was just too much. (Is that a good enough excuse?)

I'd love to go visit Mom and just have a conversation. Each visit has a theme-- the need of the day. It's always something that she wants me to fix, buy or arrange. It can get exhausting. She's been bugging to see an ophthalmologist. She won't consent to the cataract surgery she needs. The glaucoma is being monitored by the facility's optometrist. Both her ophthalmologist and optometrist agree that her vision can no longer be corrected with glasses. So.... now what?

A few weeks ago Mom kept telling me to "DO SOMETHING" about her heels. They HURT. *sigh*... I ignored her and did nothing. She complained loud enough and her nurse stepped in. She got regular foot massages, new sleeping booties and a new air mattress. Go MOM! Even in a nursing home, she works the system! Just as a precaution, the nurse ordered a dopler study on her legs.

Turns out, Mom is having pretty severe circulatory problems in BOTH legs causing nerve damage to her heels. I don't know which way to go with Mom. It seems like when I jump through her hoops, there's nothing wrong. When I throw up my hands and do nothing, it's something serious. Guess I should just jump through the hoops and let the chips fall where they may.

Back to the circulatory problems-- they are a direct result of her dependence upon her wheel chair. Mom can walk. She just won't. She perches on the front of her wheel chair 10 - 14 hours per day. She complains of back pain, heel pain, has bed sores. All as a result of the way she sits on a sheet of thin vinyl all day every day. There's no talking to her about it either.

So today I had a phone conference with Mom's RN coordinators. She's finishing up some therapies. She's back on blood thinners. Both RN's noted that Mom's memory is really slipping. I knew that. Mom has what I call Irish Alzheimer's. She forgets everything but the grudge. She remembers all offenses verbatim. *g* Anyway, the one RN was lamenting about how sad it is to see Mom slipping so much-mentally.

It is sad. But when I walked in yesterday she said, "How was your trip???" OK... we'll go with that. I'd much rather her think I'm on a trip that know that I just couldn't face a visit on Sunday. :-(