Who Cares What Nansi Thinks?

I guess the only way to get over writer's block is to write... so here goes....

I went to see Mom on TUESDAY this week. It had been 10 days since I'd seen her. I haven't gone that long without seeing my mother in about 5 years. It felt good and bad. It was good to have a break from the constant..... but the guilt felt bad.

A couple of weeks ago I slipped at work and did a number on my knee. It was all I could do to get through a day. The thought of hobbling through the nursing home was just too much. (Is that a good enough excuse?)

I'd love to go visit Mom and just have a conversation. Each visit has a theme-- the need of the day. It's always something that she wants me to fix, buy or arrange. It can get exhausting. She's been bugging to see an ophthalmologist. She won't consent to the cataract surgery she needs. The glaucoma is being monitored by the facility's optometrist. Both her ophthalmologist and optometrist agree that her vision can no longer be corrected with glasses. So.... now what?

A few weeks ago Mom kept telling me to "DO SOMETHING" about her heels. They HURT. *sigh*... I ignored her and did nothing. She complained loud enough and her nurse stepped in. She got regular foot massages, new sleeping booties and a new air mattress. Go MOM! Even in a nursing home, she works the system! Just as a precaution, the nurse ordered a dopler study on her legs.

Turns out, Mom is having pretty severe circulatory problems in BOTH legs causing nerve damage to her heels. I don't know which way to go with Mom. It seems like when I jump through her hoops, there's nothing wrong. When I throw up my hands and do nothing, it's something serious. Guess I should just jump through the hoops and let the chips fall where they may.

Back to the circulatory problems-- they are a direct result of her dependence upon her wheel chair. Mom can walk. She just won't. She perches on the front of her wheel chair 10 - 14 hours per day. She complains of back pain, heel pain, has bed sores. All as a result of the way she sits on a sheet of thin vinyl all day every day. There's no talking to her about it either.

So today I had a phone conference with Mom's RN coordinators. She's finishing up some therapies. She's back on blood thinners. Both RN's noted that Mom's memory is really slipping. I knew that. Mom has what I call Irish Alzheimer's. She forgets everything but the grudge. She remembers all offenses verbatim. *g* Anyway, the one RN was lamenting about how sad it is to see Mom slipping so much-mentally.

It is sad. But when I walked in yesterday she said, "How was your trip???" OK... we'll go with that. I'd much rather her think I'm on a trip that know that I just couldn't face a visit on Sunday. :-(