Shout out! Hey Poconos!!!
I wanted to say "hey" to the Anthem Guy who is always so helpful and makes my job look SO easy!!!!
Saturday, October 13, 2007
Introduction
Hi. My name is Nansi. I live a chaotic, hectic, magical life. My life has been full of bizarre twists and turns. At the ripe old age of thirty-eighteen, I can look back and see the purpose of every turn. Seeing that, helps me understand what today contributes to tomorrow.This blog is dedicated to chronicling the final journey I am on with my mother. I'm finally at a place where I've made peace with my role in her last days. I couldn't have written about this even two months ago.
My mom is bi-polar. My entire life with her has been filled with frustration. I've never measured up to her expectations of me. I'm only now accepting that even she doesn't know what she wants from me.
I grew up in a house made of egg shells. We tiptoed and cow-towed. Always trying not to awaken the beast that was curled up inside of my mother. We failed almost every time.
I married at the age of 19, desperate to break out of the chaos that was my home life. Shortly after I was married, the movie "Mommie Dearest" came out. I sat in stunned silence in the movie theater. Tears streamed down my face. Oddly enough, they were tears of joy. I wasn't alone. My mother used to drag me out of bed by the hair because the tub was gritty. I hadn't rinsed the Comet out enough.... and someone else had lived that nightmare too.
Being raised by a bi-polar adult made for a childhood of extreme highs and lows. One day I'd be my mother's darling angel, the only one of her children she could stand (she'd tell me), to being a worthless whore who was never going to amount to anything. Boy do I wish I'd understood then what my mom was going through. All I knew was she was a black hole of need that I couldn't fill, yet felt so driven to fill it anyway.
If you're dealing with an elderly parent, I hope my story helps you. I believe telling it will help me.
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