Who Cares What Nansi Thinks?

Happy New Year, gang. WHAT a hectic holiday. This year I opted NOT to try to bring Mom up for Christmas Eve dinner. Mike usually has to close his grocery store on Christmas Eve. That usually has him arriving home at around 7:30pm (If we're lucky). Mom's usually long past dinner by then.

Last year we tried to bring Mom up. Getting her into the house was a challenge, getting her back out was nearly fatal! She was so tired that I literally had to have her lean all of her weight on my back while I walked us both down a treacherous flight of concrete steps. I hurt for days after. We were both terrified and in the end, it just wasn't worth it.

This year we had her up the Sunday before Christmas for a bake-fest. I had to work Christmas Eve too, so I got to see her. Then late Christmas morning we took her gifts over then took her to Mike's mom's for dinner. It was perfect, nobody got too tired.

Mom really raked it in this year! Her roommate got her the scrap books she's been bugging for. I predict they will remain unused. Last year Mom had a FIT for Christmas cards and stamps. She started nagging me for them in November. She asked the aides to get them for her, she asked her Social Worker to get them for her.... Anybody who knows my mother knows that she doesn't send out Christmas cards. (She buys them and keeps them until she moves and throws them away.) Sure enough.... about February, not only did I find the cards, I found the three books of stamps that she insisted that she must have. Funny, she didn't bug me for cards this year!

I digress....

We got mom two horrible flannel nightgowns that she loves, a pantsuit, some books, bath and shower stuff and a pair of red shoes. My sister (the one who ALWAYS sends packages) made her the most gorgeous fleece jacket with sequins, ribbons and pearls. She's so creative! She sent a whole box of treasures. Mom was happy.

Happy. For about five damn minutes! LOL. Each morning in the Department Heads' Stand Up Meeting, we discuss any grievances that had been filed by residents or family on the previous day. Mom's been filing a lot of them. It's attention grabbing stuff. Like after a whole year, she's decided that the hand rail in her bathroom isn't right. She complains that they don't answer the call bell fast enough. (One day *I* answered her call bell. She couldn't remember what she wanted. She does that a lot, so the aids don't go running down the hall whenever her light comes on. Classic "boy who cried wolf" I'm afraid.)

Today's grievance from Mom was especially festive. She's insisting that they drop her off at the grocery store. She had a whole list of things she "needs". (Oh and she's asking for a refrigerator again!) Now remember, my husband is at a grocery store every day. So she goes to someone else with her list. Grrrrrr!

If hearing my Mom's daily grievance isn't embarrassing enough, today she comes bopping down the hall in her wheelchair, in her pajamas, and crashes the Department Heads' Meeting. She "needs Nansi". They let her in and she hands me the plate I had put dry cookies on. (And told her to just throw away when she was done.) Except the plate is caked with some weird goo and encrusted with straw paper and debris. "Thanks Mom! Just what I wanted, a filthy plate!"

She looks around the room and announces, "Nansi has always taken care of my dirty dishes, and she will til the day she dies." (My mother fully expects to outlive us all.) Thanks again, Mom.

That is one of the hard things about our situation. I try to be an effective, well dressed, and articulate professional. But my naked mother with crusty dishes won't allow it. At least once a week she stands in the front lobby and just SHRIEKS my name. When I come running, she smiles and says, "I knew that would get you." She's been known to ask my boss to talk to me about the color I'm wearing, "Can't you get her to see that the color she's wearing just isn't flattering at all???" Again.... Thanks MOM!

It's funny, for the past few weeks I've had an "after the holidays are over" sort of mentality. They're over. Now what? Do I log in another year at the most stressful job I've ever had? Do I strike out and find a career that won't drive me off the bridge?

The question always begs, what will happen to my mother if I don't work there? I think I know what will happen to me if I stay.