Shout out! Hey Poconos!!!
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Well, I quit my job yesterday. My administrator accepted my resignation, effective immediately. That's a little scary as I don't have a job in the wings, but it was the right thing to do.
After I resigned, I took Mom out to breakfast to break the news to her. It wasn't a shock, she's seen how I've been buckling under the pressure and even suggested that I get out. Mom did what she's done all my life. When the crisis comes, she's there 100%. She was strong and encouraging. I was overwhelmed by her understanding and support.
To my administrator's credit, she called a meeting between she, my mom and me. She assured my mom that there was no animosity between us and that Mom would continue to receive good care. I was grateful for the comfort Mom took in that conversation. Some of my former faith was restored in the admin. She'd really been disappointing me from an employee's perspective. However, I have never doubted her dedication to the residents in our building.
In hind sight, I have not done well by my mom in this situation. It seemed like such a good idea to work where she lives, but the conflict of interest is overwhelming. I didn't realize how torn I'd been about things. And much to my personal shame, I haven't always taken my mom's side when a conflict arose.
It feels so good to be able to just be my mom's advocate, like I've been for years, with no other priority. I thought that I was giving my mom 100%, but I wasn't. I was faced with a choice nearly every day. Advocate for my mom, serve my employer.
I'm scared to death to be without a job and without any sure-thing prospects, but I feel very positive. I resigned yesterday. I slept all night last night. I got the kids off to school then went back to bed and slept for three hours. I haven't slept well since Mom and I arrived at the nursing home. I guess I'm making up for lost time!
My nursing home was the worst place to work that you can imagine. But for Mom, it's an excellent place for her to live. I asked her at breakfast if she wanted to move. She said, "No. I really don't. I complain. It's not perfect, but I have good friends here and I'm happy." Could I really ask for anything more?
1 comments:
If you say this is the worst job you've ever, that is outright scary.
A job that fits you is there. It is. Sounds like your mind and body have decided that for just a while you need some rest.
Your Mom has always been on your side. You also know I understand this particular kind of mother/daughter relationship.
Maybe you did get caught up in the system. Who doesn't? You are programmed to work. You are programmed to do your best wherever you are.
What if you being there did help your mom settle in? So you did not always take her side. Wasn't your job also to do what you thought was best for her and to follow certain rules as you found that path? Was your mom always right? Were you always wrong?
I'd be interested to hear what you say about all of this once you have some distance from it.
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