Who Cares What Nansi Thinks?

Last night I got an email from one of my oldest friends. One of her children had a baby. She's grandma again! The baby is adorable. Looking at my friend's daughter was like looking at my friend. They're so alike.

I met Sandi when I was 13 years old. I don't remember much of life before she came along. She and I became fast friends, and remain so 35 years later. We were cheerleaders together and editors of the senior high year book. (Our last yearbook together looks like the Nansi & Sandi Scrapbook!)

She came from a "normal" family. All I ever wanted to do was go live with Sandi and her family. I practically DID live there! Her dad looked like Johnny Cash. I don't remember seeing him without a Bible open in front of him. Her mom was a beautiful southern lady--Dixie Carter-esque. She'd always say, "Nansi! You're a sight!" I think that was a compliment. I always made her laugh.

If my memory is correct, Sandi's parents were a couple of years older than mine.

One of the pictures that I got yesterday was a picture of Sandi's mom holding the baby. She hasn't aged a bit. She still looks just like the last time I saw her. She has the face of an angel, so full of love and compassion.

I wonder if they knew what my life was like back then. I never told anyone what our home was like. It was my deepest darkest secret. If they knew, they never let on.

My mom was always bitterly jealous of Sandi and her family. Mom would warn me that if I hung around such a pretty girl, no boys would EVER look at me. (Not a problem, Mom!) Mom never stopped me from being friends with Sandi, but she quietly disapproved.

I looked at Sandi's mom's face last night. What few wrinkles she has are imprints of a million smiles and a lifetime of laughter. Even when she's NOT smiling, she smiles. Her eyes sparkle with wit and wisdom.

I look at my own mom's face. When she's not smiling, her face is a mask of disappointment. Sometimes when I go see mom when she's not expecting me, I find her head hung so low it almost touches her chest. At rest, my mother's face has a longing to it that is heart wrenching.

I don't remember receiving encouragement from my mom. She was always warning me about this or that. I had a litany of things to watch out for. My girl friendships alarmed my mother. She constantly admonished me to beware of women, they were not to be trusted.

Funny. It's been the women in my life who have saved me. I wish my mom could have experienced the friendships that I have. I think she'd be a lot more at peace with who she is today.