Who Cares What Nansi Thinks?

Today my dear lady died. I've known it was coming, I suppose, but I wasn't ready.

Last night I put out a pink and black suit to wear to work. At the last minute, I thought, "I think I'l wear the orange and brown today... it's Thanksgiving after all." I debated with myself whether to go with brown shoes or orange. I don't typically wear colored shoes in the fall and winter, but today I thought, "Maybe my dear lady will come home today and I'll have on her favorite Orange Shoes."

She did not come home, she went home.

At first I was just a puddle of tears. (Went right into "the ugly cry" as Oprah would say.) Her daughter-in-law graciously made sure I found out from friends and not from some form faxed over from the hospital.

The daughter in law shared her last minutes with Miss V. V had recognized her, acknowledged her, and then waved goodbye. My last contact with her was several days ago. She was returning to the nursing home after a lengthy hospital stay--one that no one expected she'd survive. When the ambulance brought her in, I came a runnin! I took her hand and began to speak with her. The medics tried to dissuade me, saying that she was probably contagious.

I didn't care. I welcomed her back and promised that I'd be down to see her soon. She looked at me, smiled and said, "honey... why? why? why?"

Sadly, "why" was one of the few words that survived the ravages of stroke and illness. I'm sure there's some sort of spiritual significance to that word for her, but I don't know what it is.

Since I learned of her passing this morning, I've been thinking a lot about the past months with her in my life. For a few weeks, she lived right across the hall from my mom. V. another lady and my mom used to call themselves "The With It Girls." (Meaning they had enough sense left to be "with it") Oh the three of them stirred up trouble. They were something.

Miss V. always thought she'd recover enough to go back to her little home. She was FURIOUS when she was told she wouldn't be going in the foreseeable future. That's when she started saying "why" a LOT. She'd grab me in the hallways and say, "Honey, I want to go HOME. Help me go HOME!" That used to break my heart. One day she came tooling into my office and tried to get me to help her escape again. I took her hands in mine and said, "I know you're mad that you're stuck here, and I'm sorry for that. But I am SO GLAD you're here. You make such a difference in my life." She never asked for my help again after that.

I have some pictures of her with her daughter in law at a community day affair we had one Saturday. She looked like she was having the time of her life. It wasn't long after that day that she began to leave this world, a little at a time.

My most prevailing emotion at her passing is NOT sadness. It is gratitude. I am so very grateful to have known Miss V and her family. In them, I found real friendship.

So, goodbye, Dear Lady. I wouldn't have missed you for the world.