Who Cares What Nansi Thinks?

My Mom is compulsive hoarder. I guess she always has been. I remember as a kid, my parents would find a new house, move what they wanted into the new house, and never go back to the old house. When my dad died, my mother came with mountains of stuff. I couldn't determine what was what. We stuffed it all into a storage unit that my mom never paid for, so it was gone. (Another one of Mom's closely guarded secrets.)

Over the past few weeks, my mom has made it a point to come to the business office every day. No particular reason, just to say "hi". That visit relieved me of the guilty walk to see her in her room every day.

A few days ago, I went to Mom's room. Oh my god. It was a MESS. Poor Roomie! Her side of the room is neat and elegant, Mom's side is a horrible pile of JUNK. I know the nursing home is in a dilemma. They want the rooms to be neat and clean, but the resident has rights as well. (I had occasion to speak with Roomie's daughter yesterday while they were both at Red Lobster. I begged her to let me know if my mom was overwhelming HER mom. She said, "Are you kidding me? My mom LOVES your mom!" I was surprised to learn that Roomie is only three years older than my sister. Turns out they're the perfect fit, my mom needs to need and Roomie needs to be needed.)

Mom spends her days "organizing". She spreads out her piles of stuff. She nags for folders and file boxes. (Which sit unused in a pile of their own.) Nothing ever gets mitigated, and at bed time, the nurses are forced to just throw the piles on whatever surface remains so that Mom can get into bed. That makes the day of "organizing" a wasted day.

It could be worse, I know. I once talked to a family member who lived across the country from her mother. She had been contacted by the local health department. Her mom was like my mom in that she was able to sound perfectly fine and sane on the phone for an hour or so. So the lady thought her Mom was fine. The Sunday phone calls were chatty and fun. What she didn't know, until the health department informed her, was that her mother was living in horrific squalor. Someone in the (very upscale) neighborhood had called the authorities because of the smell. The lights and water had been turned off for months. One bedroom in the house was filled from floor to ceiling with dozens of thermal picnic coolers. Upon inspection, it was discovered that her mother was using each cooler as a toilet until it was full. Then she'd apply the lid, and add it to the collection in the spare room. It was obvious that her mother had lost her mind.

I encourage you to read the article in the link below:

http://www.childrenofhoarders.com/coh5.php

Hoarding poses so many problems including fire hazards, depression, physical fall hazards, and health risks. In my mom's case right now, she's got so much junk piled everywhere, her only choices are to either lie in bed, or sit in her wheelchair. She has crap piled high in her recliner, so she can't sit in that. The physical result is the beginning stages of bedsores on her rear end. She sits in a plastic chair all day. Sometimes the aides can't get her to go to bed at night, and she winds up sitting up in her wheelchair half the night.

Yesterday they took a trip to Red Lobster. That was my chance to go tackle her room. She is a bona fide hoarder. Hoarders collect whatever they can collect. For Mom it's bits of food, condiments, straws, cups, etc. I try to keep mom's snacks organized. I bought her a plastic container. Yesterday she had books piled on top of packs of crackers and applesauce. The corners of the books had ruptured the fruit packs... what a sticky gooey MESS!!!

Mom's room isn't any bigger than a hospital room, and only half of it is hers. I didn't even tackle her drawers, just the surfaces. But I still managed to remove two large bags and a giant box of CRAP! That is the story of my life! Cleaning out my mom's messes. I thought that once she was in a nursing home, I'd never have to haul mom's weird crap out in garbage bags again. WRONG.

Mom had a tiny apartment with an efficiency kitchen. You would be AMAZED at what she could get in there. On day #1 of the clean out, I threw out nineteen lawn and leaf bags full of expired food. What wasn't expired filled THREE large grocery carts, which I parked in the lobby with a "free for the taking" sign on them. That's just the kitchen. It took days and days and days to get the rest out. There were piles of fabric that I have moved around since I was ten years old, now moth eaten and rotted. Patterns, books, magazines, damn roosters, roosters, roosters. *ugh*

Back to yesterday.... I can't say that Mom's room is CLEAN, but it was a heck of a lot better. She came tooling up to me after her Red Lobster trip with a bag full of leftover containers. We have a seven day rule on food. Each container must be marked with the resident's name and the date. So I began labeling. I opened the first one, there was a scoop of cole slaw and a biscuit. The next held her entire meal! The chicken, the rice, all untouched. The last was the biggest damn piece of chocolate cake I've ever seen. She went to the restaurant and didn't touch her meal. She wanted to keep it. Hoard it.

Sometimes I worry that I will drown in my mother's mental illness. Someone gave me a link to an article today "Keeping Your Mind While Your Aging Parents Lose Theirs." Good luck with that, hope it works!